Is there someone who you grew up with or around that had a problem with drinking or some other kind of addiction? Perhaps one of your parents was incapable of unconditional love because one of his/her parents was an addict/alcoholic. We now know that codependent and addictive behaviors can be passed on without there being an actual drug or alcohol “problem”. It all boils down to the home environment and UNCONDITIONAL love from all who live there. If one or more of the people you grew up with were codependent or addictive in their behavior, then you may have learned some behaviors that are interfering with your current relationships.
When we grew up in an environment where there was, what psychologists term, DYSFUNCTION, then we developed tools in our invisible tool box to cope with others’ behavior towards us that was intrusive, unkind, hateful, critical, untrustworthy, abusive, etc…. These tools served us well in THAT relationship, but won’t work when we try to have a normal and constructive relationship. So what do we do?
First we admit that we have a problem. Here’s a “Laundry List” of traits that may be part of who you are and are not working well in your life as it is now.
- Judge yourself without mercy
- Constantly seek approval and affirmation
- Overreact to changes over which you have no control
- Feel you are different from others
- Have difficulty having fun or have to use a substance to relax
- Have difficulty with intimate relationships
- Are either super responsible or super irresponsible
- Are extremely loyal, even when presented with evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
- Take yourself very seriously
- Have to guess what normal looks like
If you believe that you may be having any of these characteristics, don’t be worried. There is help and hope! The FIRST thing is recognizing that you might have a problem and that is HUGE. Start researching what codependency is and what kind of help is out there. There are 12 step programs for every kind of addiction and codependency.
Learning to have healthy relationships and change is a real possibility. It takes work and recognition that it is a process. If you are willing to work the steps to healing, you WILL heal.
Contact our office if you would like more information and assistance. 🙂